-young black children are really into free shit on a bench, especially cookie trays and cooking spoons. utensils change lives.
-avoid looking at the browsing history of your home computer that your dad mainly uses
-when you live in your own place , you get to drop a deuce with the door wide open without Giving A Fuck.
-baths are indescribably relaxing, and if you feel ashamed about taking one, grow some taint and, afterwards, relax it in a warmly drawn tub; growing a taint probably hurts like hell.
-it's usually unwise to bum a lighter from a bum if you don't have anything to give him.
-if you accidentally graze a cougar's butt on multiple occasions and she doesn't seem miffed, and even moves her butt closer to your grasp, then she is probably passive-aggressively hitting on you. or she has a volitional ass, possibly voluptuous as well. vociferous. recurring idea for a summer project: bag a cougar. thinking of getting a net and elephant tranquilizer. that really sounds like rape though, even metaphorically. i think i'll just go to a petting zoo.
-box cutting is made easier with a box cutter.
-cigarettes are generally not good for you.
-esl azns will literally laugh at anything, and they will laugh enthusiastically, genuinely hard. 'so i went downstairs to grab some files and then i got really tired' can be the best joke told ever.
