writing with porpoise

did you know that porpoises are sometimes referred to as 'mereswine', as if they are pigs of the sea. look at this lil fucker, though; jesus christ:

beautiful, affable, a delight. not what i think of when i see a pig, though there are some beautiful pigs. it's all about porspective, innit?

anyway, the entire porpoise of all of this was only that i was going to generically title the post 'writing with a purpose', but then i drank some rex-goliath pinot noir (lush and velvety) and decided to get a little wacky, a little mischievous. there is no punchline, and i am not sorry for it.

they are pretty much dolphins (porpoises are), and they can blow bubble rings in the water, not unlike a HADOKEN!, via ryu from street fighter. that's pretty fucking cool. i can't do that, and if i tried, i'd actually probably die. however, porpoises do _not_ thrive in captivity. i am a powerful, sedentary human man. i can sit here and drink my $9 handle of detestable wine while transcending the zenith of internet imprisonment. porpoises can _not_ type aimless blog posts in the comfort of their own miasmatic throne.

anyway, this is just a little amuse bouche of myself trying to will into writing again. reflection is good for thoughts and thinking about reflection. you could also liken this to an auto-fellatious exercise in futile humility because there's got to be a paraphilia for that anyway. maybe i'll get into literotica?

cheers

brain sludge

the universe, of course, is filled with beautiful imagery on both the macro- and microscopic level. you've seen those intricate photos of galaxies and nebulae giving birth to fucking stars way off a billion lightyears in space, and then there are the intricacies of matter, how atoms and electrons collide and fuse and release energy and all this orchestra of minutiae jazz.

now imagine the beauty of the human brain: electricity sparking around and shooting through a 3d ultrahighway weaved through innumerable lattices, whizzing by in microseconds; in the ventricles, where cerebrospinal fluid is generated and stored, thousands of ependymal cells - little cells that line the fluid-filled spaces, not unlike algae surrounding a deep, cavernous lake - all wave their little finger-like appendages in unison to move the vast wash of minerals and metabolites and millions of little molecular things; other parts of the brain are integrating sensations from outside and inside your body involved with vision, taste, smell, fear, love, pain, and curiosity, and producing a response in real-time, almost within no time at all; and all of these things, upon many more phenomena, are occurring simultaneously -- it is as if each little area of the brain is its own hubble deep field, with galaxies and nebulae enacting each of their own little mysteries of human life and function.

now zoom out from this image, zoom out from the brain, to the picture of a morbidly obese man, sitting at his computer chair in a lonely, dimly-lit room, breathing heavily and audibly, hastily typing out, with his sausage appendages any of the following:

"I don't see why this is such a big deal... There's no privillage by being white or heterosexual"

"Statutory rape shouldn't be a law in the first place."

"here are soooo many fat sluts out there. [Fucking them] is not making them skinny."

"Black culture does decrease IQs imo. People of African descent have the lowest average IQ scores."

he proceeds to squeeze out several farts and gurgling noises before waddling off to piss himself in bed as he sleeps.


this is the beauty of this universe, my friends, lest you ever forget.

i can't believe this still exists

i can't believe people do this literally every day

i can't believe that people don't eat calzones more often; i seriously haven't seen anyone besides myself eat a calzone in at least 3 years.

i can't believe it's not socially acceptable to eat beans straight from a can.

i can't believe it's not cool to wear sunglasses and rollerblade really fast around public places and spontaneously screech yr wheels to a controlled halt in front of sexy ladies,,, why am i not swimmin in pussy??

i can't believe it's not qatar

i can't believe love is not an unnatural byproduct of tempered lust in cross-interference with genetic drive

i can't believe that every house doesn't come with a ghost dog or ghost cat that haunts the place in a cool and playful way, a la Casper the friendly ghost. like you could throw an imaginary bone at the wall and the dog would just run right through it before suddenly leaping out of your toilet

i can believe that i will not update this blog again for at least 1 year and if i do somebody pls shoot me

hahaha, blogs

a couple nights ago, i was having dinner at a pretty swank italian restaurant (i paid $8 each for a glass of house wine and experienced the same amount of regret each time), and in my dinner party was this guy. this guy described himself as an 'artist'. i asked, 'why?'. he replied that he was a creative writer, and that he was going to create a blog with 'multidimensionality, specifically 4 dimensions'. apparently, if i add 3 sections to this blog that are 'for that personal shit, that brand, you know', 'for sports, and especially MMA, it's definitely an up-and-coming sport!', and 'for current culture and business ideas', then i can call myself an artist and unabashedly mention that fact to other people.

the same guy, later on in the night, while i was scrunched next to him in the back of a truck (8 people were in the truck), he told me, 'no joke', that the reason neanderthals went extinct is because they didn't have any sweat glands. i asked, 'why do you think this?' and he replied 'i work at this health store, a really cool place for supplements, and this lady said she studied all about it, and she told me while she was in line'. i told him 'i don't think that's true', which elicited his 'don't take my word for it bro! shit's crazy.'

i'm going to tell everyone i meet that im a painter because i draw words with my keyboard strokes and drop knowledge like the fact that frogs smell like pizza. the aspirations of the artist blogateur inspired me to word-vomit all up into this bloated blog-corpse. welcome 2 bloat-blog.

what's the deal with

the pandemic of not replacing toilet paper rolls on the dispenser in homes

four loko triple x special edition not being as fucked up as alluded to

microfiber socks. how the fuck do they work?

mushrooms being default in any multi-vegetable restaurant dish

couches always having that inward angle curve that messes hard with your back, let giving you a reasonably restful sleep

briefs over boxers. otherwise you're a child. why is this? scrunch versus harder to piss? can this be quantified?

fresh soap scents. they smell like someone washed out their gall bladder with antibacterial handwipes and threw it suddenly at you; you have good reflexes, so you catch it, but your hands smell like flowery bile

loose change. yes, my total is 4.75. yes, here's a 5. fuck no, i don't want two dimes and a nickel; that's fucking offensive

sneeze teases. infinitely worse than blue balls, given the intensity over the short period of time. god they're the worst

have a good day

picture of my mom's tiny ass dog

particulate

shimmering venus, mercurial escape artist.
sublime enigma, tumescent soul.
reticence chased anticipation on a string.
and sanguine perdition took its toll.

brain vomit

whole grain wheat crackers, saltine snackers. ran out of chips to flip, the quiver of lip is unmet by sultry salsa dip. sipping on a brew, blue moon to be true, but it lacks a certain company, the guess you only knew. too many cut up plants, not enough reusable containers; if only i had mothers and farmhands on retainer.

if there is anything that is sacred anymore

it's definitely not this blog

etc pt 2

lingering lackadaisical lawmen
loosely lapping up lull
no lavender for limping laymen
lacking lyrical love


peer across the empty sky
fill your soul with nothing
trickles down, the moonlight nigh
brights your eyes with something


a blog stuck in a black hole
escapes the hold of time
a blogger swim in a swimmin hole
finds better to do than rhyme

extranea

john slowly strolls down the autumn river. he's feeling good. well, better than good. it's his birthday. happy birthday john, he thought to himself. he turns his head at a slight angle over to his left, where steven, facing ahead, is complaining about religion. john says, who cares, it's my birthday. steven says birthdays are arbitrary constructs and that no one is alive nor dead. taking a moment to mull the thought over, john tells steven to go fuck himself and hurls his body into the river. it's a colorful autumn, john thinks. continuing along, he finds his campsite where jenna lies fast asleep by the fireside. he kisses her goodnight before jumping into the fire and disappearing altogether. jenna's slender figure trembles a bit in the rusty leaves, but she dreams of winter. what a cold act for john to commit. she dreamt that, but only the thought of it, in winter, but it was autumn. then the moon decides to come up and jenna languidly pushes her arms into the fire to fervently pull out a box of cashews. warm-roasted cashews in autumn. hmm, they'd be better in spring, she thought. cashews are a spring-time treat. heather, over in the tent overhears this and disagrees. jenna throws heather into the fire.

Special Mass dedicated to research animals

Dear Research Community;

Father Mike is going to dedicate a Mass for all research animals on Wednesday, October 6th at 12:00 in the Chapel, Building A. Everyone is welcome to attend.

Thank you,
Veterinary Services




All lab mice go to mice heaven. And the fruit flies too, I guess. Bless them, sacrifice them, forgive them their sins.

this is what i do sometimes

these are actual tweets from 50cent and nate robinson respectively (barely embellished w/ lolcat linguistics and capslock)

things that happened since the last post! !

sometimes i sell software on craigslist, but dont ask questions about it. this man named Joe wanted to buy some of this software. we chat back and forth via e-mail, negotiating the purchase. i say 'i can meet at 7'. he says 'WHY SO LATE?', almost like heath ledger (rip bro) as the joker. a bit astonished, i still reply 'because that's when i get back from work, would another day work for you?'. there's no response, so i get home and start cooking some food.

then i get a phone call. i let it go to voicemail because my shit is boiling. another call immediately ensues, so i pick up and hear a gruff, cranky old-man voice: 'HEY SEAN , IT'S JOE. I'M OUTSIDE'. this was bewildering because i hadn't expected him; he didn't confirm that he was coming for sure. convo is as follows:

me- 'Ok.., that's cool, but give me like 10 minutes to finish something up.'
old-man joe - 'WHAT? YOU INSIDE THE APARTMENT? COME DOWN AND LET ME IN.'
me- 'uhhhhhhhhh, just give me 10 minutes and I can deal with you, I'm in the middle of something, I wasn't expecting you.'
angry-man joe - 'I DROVE 55 FUCKING MILES AND YOU AREN'T GONNA LET ME IN? COM'ON. *grunt noise*'
me- 'not dealing with this shit. goodbye.'

then i proceed to get 5 calls each followed by a voicemail. i go about my night as usual, continuing to give no fuck. in the morning, i decide to hear what old-man joe had to say about our encounter. they all basically said, in a desperately pleading voice 'HEY man, I'm sorry, I'm calmed down , just let me in . I'm not gonna hurt ya! I need this . It's ok, come on. Lets do this'. he also left me an e-mail apologizing for his behavior.

despite all that, he seemed to be just a crotchety old man rather than a complete sociopath, so i made arrangements to meet him halfway between cinci and hamilton since i had an indoor soccer match anyway. we meet up, he has a truck , i hand him the software, he hands me a check and gives me an ambiguous stink-eye, i look confused, then we part ways.

in summary: craigslist is a random grab-bag of the strangest people you can meet, and that's not even including whatever happens in casual encounters (who knows what kinds of weird fucking goes on there). once, when selling software , this dude subtly txt-threatened my life after he couldn't figure out how to install Windows 7.

in other news, here's an extremely racist / homophobic / though-provoking photo on a condom machine in a gas station bathroom in no place other than central ohio. have a good week!

a bile of words

to jump right into the exciting mix: i'm having a half-assed facebook conversation with my good friend who is currently residing in peru. i say half-assed because the interface keeps cutting out, letting him only say something before he has 'disconnected', so since we are both asses, there is only one ass butting into the discussion. it's like a hit-and-run chat, a la : 'hey dude , what's up???? *immediately disconnects*' . life 2.0; the world isn't prepared for this.

it's about to hit 4:20pm and i have nary a day to smoke grass anyway. instead, i'm editing my japanese supervisor's grant proposal, which is a huge deals. tmyk (the more you know), english-speaking japanese people have a penchant for pluralizing words that aren't normally pluralized. add an 's' to your favorite catchphrase and you might have just started a new, racially-insensitive meme / phenomenon.

aaand here's some pics from the weekend:



tina weymouth of talking heads , now w/ tom-tom club . i could tell she was really old, but her personality / bass-dance reminded me of a cool, old aunt that still loves to Funk The Fuck Out.



this was in a bathroom of some lavish-type bar that i stumbled into. my friend said that the blue velvet room - unrelated to the david lynch movie , fortunately - in the back was reserved for the 'in-the-knows'. i tried to sneak in, but i ended up walking toward a mirror; i was inebriated to the point where i thought he (me) was welcoming me in, and i turned left toward a light, but the light was in the streets, outside of the bar.

Hey Here Is A Blog Update, And It's About Me

hi there, reader of my blog . you are few and far between , not unlike the socks and various jugs around my apartment ( it has been a month+ since my mom negotiated heavy grief-blast in exchange for her completely sterilizing the place).

things of note: i have quit cigarettes for four days. the kicker (in the throat) is that i smoked 28 cigarettes four days ago, even after selling the last of my pack for a beer, but tricking a person to bum me a cig not more than twice. he told me some story about karma and goodness, but that was lost upon my inebriated sense of anything. will update on my progress eventually, unless i die first. but ghost-blogs still have potential to be 'a thing', so we'll see.

i think that i have discovered the phlegm memory-elevator, where the memories of my smoking past erratically find there way back up from my lungs to remind me of what a 'dirty' man i am. thanks culture of health. jk anyway , smoking is terrible . unless with a coffee, or a drink , or with a coffee and a drink, or on car rides in the sunny afternoon - oh, and especially on roadtrips.

but Alas , i currently sit at work, in a children's hospital research lab, where i am currently processing a return of miniature vacuum pumps for my co-worker, Xin. the adventures of me , requesting an RTV, with nowhere to flee but to the fly room where the old dead flies atrophy, painlessly (maybe?). may god have mercy on my withdrawal-symptomatic soul.

i leave you w/ a pic from Zinzinnati Oktoberfest that captured the intermittent feelings betwixt high ABV Optimator and multiple instances of moms making out with each other (pictured is one of the sons) on a Sunday evening. Spaten tent.

today

i'm going to a reds / cubs game with a bunch of asian people. will post updates.

i don't know shit about the reds. except for that votto guy, and a guy with a weird last name that goes like 'gomes'. i've went to a couple games. here's some pics i guess:


everytime the reds score a homerun, a weed bomb explodes and everybody gets High as Fuck


that shit is pretty

also the reds are at the top of the division which makes my presence in the city highly valuable as compared to other cities; i'm in the 'fuck yeah reds' population radius. i just said it out loud , but not too loud because no one else is in the lab right now except for someone shuffling some things around at the other end of the room.

some video action directed at your stupid eyes

im just being edgy, i probably like your eyes. unless you don't have any. then i like your face and all of your insides, in a non-creepy way. ;).

here's a video of a fountain boy receiving the most horrible, eternal bukkake. look at his face grimace; he is in hell, watery, non-replenishing hell.



put that shit in 1080p for that crisp self-effacing action. this was at lollapalooza, in the middle of grant park. i think the statue-boy once had a joyful life, making that sprinkle sound for everyone to sooth their minds to. but then something went terribly wrong.

i also have a video of the lead singer of hockey acting like a disney-troupe song&dance kid, prancing about the stage like a flamboyant gazelle, high on poppy. it was v amusing. i'll post it later. i would have more videos of lollapalooza, and i actually do, but i tried to do this 'shaky-cam' thing to go along with the rhythm of the music, and it turned out to be both seizure- and vomit-inducing in a subject test. stay tuned.

edit - here it is:


he looks like a hot-cop peter pan , or one of those guys in tobias funke's queen mary street gang. btw sorry for cloverfield-cam.

also my ex-gf recently e-mailed me a story entitled 'Fwd: Blood Vomit'

musings upon a mirthful horizon of nothing

so a black dude on a skateboard whistled at me . he was using an actual whistle. then he laughed and starting singing a song about walking around whistling, sorta like that whistle tip guy (cf. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSOSJ68xOBA ). people do that a lot around here. it's a thing.

then, before that, at work, my azn boss was like 'you have to dispose of this mercury'. at first, i didn't know how, but then i figured it out from this girl who knew about mercury. you have to fill out a form and detail how toxic that shit may or may not be. mercury is some serious business. so are batteries. the more you knew.

i've smoked scant cigarettes lately. i feel they don't do much except for closing my airway and diseasing my sleep. my sleep has been diseased for 6 years. ever since this girl traded cigarettes to me for giving her a ride to school. marlboro reds. that shit will make you not want to smoke another cigarette. you always smoke another cigarette. i already did though.

my sleep doctor prescribed me pills for sleep, but i think they're mostly for abusing. i'm not abusing them, but it definitely looks like i am, especially after i poured them all out over the table by accident. they're like little yellow candy sunshines waiting to give their happiness to you. but i use them for sleep. apparently, when i sleep, my brain spontaneously arouses 164 times in 5 hours. it's sort of like your car being jumped 164 times in 5 hours, but it doesn't start. that would be a sign of needing a new car. what does this say about me ? i think i'll take some pills and find out. just one though, for sleep.

here's a picture of my current mood:

lab soliliquization

leaning lower back lashes out a pleasure crack
whirring air-machine above sucks , my hate has no lack
proximal azns dip their brains into computronics
sushi lunch glides unfaithfully down stately, plump gastrotract

staring at blog screen is a fuck you to my eyes
but there are worse things better for this
for anytime is the best time for a mind terrorized
by everything essentially unsacred and shit

there's a fly in a vial
his copulation will be a trial
when he has no legs after
sitting in molasses for a while

these were written while sitting inside this building :

wacky weekend wrap-up

current mood - eatin spaghetti.
current music - black dude with kazoo, strolling the sidewalks outside my window
favorite thing to eat - my own words
best color - neutral
money lost in poker to 50 year old men in one weekend - $300
speeding tickets evaded via proxy michigan fan-cop - 1
drawers witnessed that close by them own damn selves - 7
a good-ass weekend - priceless


me, literally, in a few years

brain dump

here are some tips for y'all that are generally applicable to every-day living

-young black children are really into free shit on a bench, especially cookie trays and cooking spoons. utensils change lives.

-avoid looking at the browsing history of your home computer that your dad mainly uses

-when you live in your own place , you get to drop a deuce with the door wide open without Giving A Fuck.



-check out this unabashed-shamefulness girl. notice the calm, collected, expression on her face. there is no 'Giving A Fuck' here. thank you for this. also thank google image search for being able to find a 'pooping with door open' picture on the first page of results.

-baths are indescribably relaxing, and if you feel ashamed about taking one, grow some taint and, afterwards, relax it in a warmly drawn tub; growing a taint probably hurts like hell.

-it's usually unwise to bum a lighter from a bum if you don't have anything to give him.

-if you accidentally graze a cougar's butt on multiple occasions and she doesn't seem miffed, and even moves her butt closer to your grasp, then she is probably passive-aggressively hitting on you. or she has a volitional ass, possibly voluptuous as well. vociferous. recurring idea for a summer project: bag a cougar. thinking of getting a net and elephant tranquilizer. that really sounds like rape though, even metaphorically. i think i'll just go to a petting zoo.

-box cutting is made easier with a box cutter.

-cigarettes are generally not good for you.

-esl azns will literally laugh at anything, and they will laugh enthusiastically, genuinely hard. 'so i went downstairs to grab some files and then i got really tired' can be the best joke told ever.

the end of march , the dawn of a new post

///this blog post doesn;t exist///

blog theme ? ? ?

i dont know if there are many blogs out there all about half-asians, or 'hasians', or 'hey you look hispanic, but then i saw your eyes, what are you'. hopefully this wont become one (like that one white people like shit blog) because there aren't really any unifying topics that all 'hasians' would relate to. except for maybe having an overbearing azn mom; i dont think any white women marry full-azn men. that would be v weird. maybe i'll start with a list of things hasians like. )

pro-hazn things:
lackin rooted ethnic identity
makin fun of azns w/o regret
lookin good as hell
diversifyin genetic pool
tearin down racial barriers
dad is laid-back because he married an insane woman
gettin down with ya heritage via delicious fukken food
white enough for some white privilege etc

con-hazn things
people instantly recognizing you as azn
people instantly recognizing you as something completely not azn
angry irrational mother
probably don't speak native language except for maybe things a baby can say
non-azns make fun of you as azn w/o regret
still fall into dreaded azn stereotype

here's a pic of a hazn chick:


tbqh, her look is p disconcerting ,but i would prly make her azn whole via yin yang if you kno what im sayin' (((((((6969696969696969696969696969696969696969420))))))). give me that motherfukken dap son ==@@==

reblogcarnation

yeah so i'm thinking about writing in a blog again. bloggin' it up in the blogosphere. blogtificating in a blog-generation. gettin soggy on my bloggy. anyway i used to think blogs were gay (yea i'll use that word as an epithet whenever i want 2 fags [literally when i want two fags . j/p no homo]). but now i think they're less gay and i feel that my relative non-gayness can fit into this schema. so, soon, i'll think of some 'content'. i'll post shit about chicks. yeh i think i'm just going to post pics of hot bitch (no [sic] here,i mean liek 'hot bitch' as a wholesome concept).

anyway here's a pic of a 'hot muslim chick', who hails from 'google':


i'd like to go jihad on her pussy , 'if you know what i mean'. i'd put my ak in her 47. allah've some more dome plz. just kidding , i love and respect muslims , and everyone else too! i am also not misogynistic. here i will post more pics from all creeds / ethnicities.

say helllo to google image result #3 for 'hot shinto chick':

she looks like an anime. i'd l;ike for her to be into tentacle rape , or more like testicle rape. cool culture,,, not. oh, very prease to meat you miki-chan'djob.

disclaimer: i respect women